Why must I always second guess everything?

Why must I always question my happiness?

Why must I always enjoy the things that I shouldn’t?

Why did I even like him?

Why must I always take the biggest risks?

Why must I always allow myself to get hurt?

Why must I push people away?

I ask myself these questions and dont know the answer to a single one, but why? I know that i’ve been hurt but never hurt to the point where I dont trust people to be my friends. but that is just It I dont trust people to be anything more than a friend. I can never fall inlove with someone if I never allowed them to love me.